Bloody Mary for brunch: a proposal

Bloody Mary & Michelada at Laplace Hillsborough, NC

Bloody Mary’s can’t we all just get along?

Welcome to a Bloody Mary filled edition of the Pot and Pan Handler’s hedonistic blog, where we’re taking everyone to brunch, for Bloody Mary’s, Mimosa’s & Irished up coffee, or whatever else you want. No one judges when you’re at brunch.

Caution: Contents can be contentious

Are you awake? I’m awake, 3 coffees awake. What I see is contention, everywhere. Progressives, conservatives, democrats, republicans, voters, religions, social & moral norms, race, income and class, everywhere there is contentious division. All this division seems a social step backward, no? The opposite of a renaissance, that happens to be hard to spell without a spell checker. Thanks spell checker. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, contentious division, that shit is starting to give me a headache, a fat, sweaty, headache, like a hangover, so I’ll treat it like a damn hangover and go to brunch.


Though I thought brunch was created by San Francisco gays in the 1970’s as an excuse to make lunch fabulous, that is not the case. It was actually a British tradition, an elaborate lunch following a fox hunt hosted by repressed homosexuals in powdered wigs. You see, brunch has always been the Vegas of meals, no one judges. What happens at brunch, blah, blah, blah. So I propose we all just go to brunch.

The truth of the matter is it doesn’t matter who you are, everyone enjoys a good boozy brunch. Look, there’s a similarity! Here’s another, Bloody, freakin’ Mary’s I dare you to find someone who doesn’t like a Bloody Mary. Look at that, there’s another similarity, and we owe it all to brunch & Bloody Mary’s.

Bloody Mary

Bloody Mary’s

Okay, now that we know the brunch is the way for everyone to get along please allow your humble narrator a moment to change the world. Here is our original recipe for Bloody Mary mix, so you can make lunch fabulous, and squash your differences at home.

Bloody Marys’ for two, here is how we do it, so you can do it too:

You will need:

12 ounces tomato juice

3 ounces vodka

½ onion grated

Juice of ½ lime

2 Tablespoons spicy BBQ sauce *optional- you can’t taste it, it just creates a smoky depth and helps thicken (we prefer Stub’s spicy)

1 Tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

1 Tablespoon Frank’s red hot (or your preferred hot sauce)

1 teaspoon sugar

½ teaspoon celery salt

½ teaspoon fresh horseradish

Few cracks of fresh cracked pepper

You will do:

Add all to blender and puree, set aside. Rub spent lime around the rim of the glasses, and coat with celery salt. Fill glasses with ice and pour in prepared bloody Mary mix. Garnish with a ludicrously oversized buffet garnish and enjoy the fruits of your craftsmanship.

Bloody Mary

Sshh, ya’ wanna get soooed?

After the editorial staff (me) read this, they contacted the legal department (me), the legal department contacted management (me) to see if there were enough funds for a $500 billable hour to research a verbal contract. “Hahahaha” I replied. Therefore for the sake of full disclosure I originally shared this recipe with the High Plains Reader.

Coming soon: we find that Nomad Pizza in Philadelphia, doesn’t meth around. Where there is something frivolous to write about we’ll be there… – the Pot and Pan Handler

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